Seventeen and one half years after becoming a mother, I am still dazed. I know I shouldn't, but I look back and think, "where did you go!" Not in a selfish way, but in a way that wonders how I evolved into this archetype warrior, when I started life as a fearful, weak and incredibly shy little girl. It had to have been MOTHERHOOD.
So, the journey of mothering two daughters with mental and physical disabilities brought out the the dormant strength, intelligence, willpower and dare I say it....intuition that made me a tremendously better person.
Motherhood has taught me that small decisions have tremendous implications. A diabetic daughter that would like to sleep over at her friend's house means you will be up all night watching for text messages about sugar levels. An autistic daughter that has no concept of stranger-danger but wants to have some independence and take a walk means that I will be skulking in the neighbor's trees to hide. I watch to be sure she does not get lost or worse. Confirming the neighbor's impression that you are just this side of crazy.
Motherhood gave me the strength and skills needed to be an advocate for those that need it and may have no one filling that role. One cannot be fearful and be an advocate. One cannot be weak and shy and be an advocate. Most of us need someone at one time or another in this life. I have become a protector and have learned how important it is to have grace when someone else advocates for you.
What a tremendous gift when you are at your wits end, wondering if anything you have done was worth the time, effort, force, emotional drama and ultimately the conclusion that your strident position that "this is important!" is met with success. A quiet moment when your autistic daughter says "I need to talk about my feelings" or your diabetic daughter competes in Karate Weapons division against higher belt ranks with much older boys and takes second in the division.
Artemis. That is my role at this stage of my life. Hunter of knowledge, safety, good nutrition and emotional balance. Protector from danger and teacher of life-skills. I am a tremendously lucky mother. I have been given the chance to fulfill my potential. When I am looking back and somewhat missing the young girl that viewed the world in a much gentler and more flexible light, I quickly realize it has been more than worth the price.
Today is Mother's Day. I have had a shower. It was a shower that lasted as long as I wanted, no one banged on the door to ask if they could wear my flip-flops and no one said they needed me to remember that we only had a little hot water.
That is good enough for me! I am charged up for one more year.
Thank you girls! You are spectacular gifts from heaven.
So, the journey of mothering two daughters with mental and physical disabilities brought out the the dormant strength, intelligence, willpower and dare I say it....intuition that made me a tremendously better person.
Motherhood has taught me that small decisions have tremendous implications. A diabetic daughter that would like to sleep over at her friend's house means you will be up all night watching for text messages about sugar levels. An autistic daughter that has no concept of stranger-danger but wants to have some independence and take a walk means that I will be skulking in the neighbor's trees to hide. I watch to be sure she does not get lost or worse. Confirming the neighbor's impression that you are just this side of crazy.
Motherhood gave me the strength and skills needed to be an advocate for those that need it and may have no one filling that role. One cannot be fearful and be an advocate. One cannot be weak and shy and be an advocate. Most of us need someone at one time or another in this life. I have become a protector and have learned how important it is to have grace when someone else advocates for you.
What a tremendous gift when you are at your wits end, wondering if anything you have done was worth the time, effort, force, emotional drama and ultimately the conclusion that your strident position that "this is important!" is met with success. A quiet moment when your autistic daughter says "I need to talk about my feelings" or your diabetic daughter competes in Karate Weapons division against higher belt ranks with much older boys and takes second in the division.
Artemis. That is my role at this stage of my life. Hunter of knowledge, safety, good nutrition and emotional balance. Protector from danger and teacher of life-skills. I am a tremendously lucky mother. I have been given the chance to fulfill my potential. When I am looking back and somewhat missing the young girl that viewed the world in a much gentler and more flexible light, I quickly realize it has been more than worth the price.
Today is Mother's Day. I have had a shower. It was a shower that lasted as long as I wanted, no one banged on the door to ask if they could wear my flip-flops and no one said they needed me to remember that we only had a little hot water.
That is good enough for me! I am charged up for one more year.
Thank you girls! You are spectacular gifts from heaven.
